Emotional Wellness
The Connection Between Breath and Emotion (And Why It Matters)
A few months ago, I was sitting in my car in the work parking lot, trying not to cry. I'd just gotten off a frustrating phone call, I was running late to pick up my kid, I had a pile of work waiting for me, and I could feel the panic rising in my chest like a wave.
And then I noticed something: I wasn't breathing. I mean, obviously I was breathing—I was alive. But I was taking these tiny, shallow, chest-only breaths. My shoulders were up by my ears. My jaw was clenched. My whole body was tight.
So I did something that felt ridiculous at the time: I took one long, slow breath. In through my nose, out through my mouth. And something shifted. Not everything—I was still stressed. But the panic wave? It stopped building.
That's when I really understood: your breath and your emotions are connected in ways most of us don't realize.
How Your Breath Reflects Your Emotions
Think about the last time you were anxious. Maybe you were about to give a presentation, or you got bad news, or you were in a tense conversation. What was your breath doing?
If you're like most people, it was probably fast, shallow, and high in your chest. You might have even held your breath without realizing it. That's because when we're stressed or scared, our nervous system kicks into "fight or flight" mode—and our breath changes automatically.
Here's the cool part: the connection goes both ways. Your emotions affect your breath, yes. But your breath can also affect your emotions.
Using Your Breath to Shift Your Emotions
I'm not saying you can "breathe away" your problems. If you're dealing with serious anxiety, depression, or trauma, you need more than breathing exercises (please talk to a professional—I did, and it changed my life).
But for everyday stress? The kind that comes from juggling work and parenting and trying to build a life you actually want? Breathwork is incredibly powerful.
Here's why: when you slow down your breath, you send a signal to your nervous system that says, "We're safe. We don't need to panic." Your heart rate slows. Your muscles relax. Your mind gets a little clearer.
Breathing Techniques for Different Emotions
I've tried a lot of breathing techniques over the years. Some work better for certain emotions than others. Here's what I actually use in real life:
When You're Anxious: Box Breathing
This is my go-to when I'm spiralling. It's simple, structured, and gives my brain something specific to focus on.
- Breathe in for 4 counts
- Hold for 4 counts
- Breathe out for 4 counts
- Hold for 4 counts
- Repeat 4-5 times
I do this in my car, in the bathroom at work, or even at my desk with my eyes open. Nobody knows what you're doing—you just look like you're concentrating.
When You're Angry: Extended Exhale
Anger makes your breath fast and sharp. This technique does the opposite.
- Breathe in through your nose for 4 counts
- Breathe out through your mouth for 8 counts
- Repeat 5-10 times
The long exhale activates your "rest and digest" system. It physically calms you down. I use this when my kid is testing my patience or when I get a frustrating email.
When You're Sad or Overwhelmed: Belly Breathing
When I'm sad or exhausted, I tend to breathe really shallowly. This technique brings the breath deeper.
- Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly
- Breathe in slowly through your nose, feeling your belly rise (not your chest)
- Breathe out slowly through your mouth, feeling your belly fall
- Repeat for 2-3 minutes
This one is best done lying down or sitting comfortably. I do it before bed on tough days. It doesn't fix everything, but it makes the weight feel a little lighter.
When You Need Energy: Energizing Breath
Okay, this one is a little weird, but it works. Use it when you're dragging in the afternoon or need a pick-me-up.
- Sit up tall
- Take quick, powerful inhales and exhales through your nose (like you're trying to blow out birthday candles really fast)
- Do this for 30 seconds
- Then breathe normally and notice how you feel
This technique pumps oxygen into your system and gives you a natural energy boost. It's better than another coffee, I swear.
The Day Everything Changed
I'll never forget the moment I realized how powerful this was. I was having a panic attack in my bedroom—heart racing, feeling like I couldn't catch my breath, terrified something was wrong with me.
My partner sat with me and said, "Just match my breath." He breathed slowly and deeply, and I tried to match him. Within two minutes—two minutes!—my heart rate started to slow. The panic started to fade. I could think again.
That's when I got it. My breath was the tool I'd been looking for all along. It was always with me. I didn't need anything external. I just needed to remember to use it.
How to Make This a Habit
Here's my honest advice: don't try to do breathwork perfectly. Don't set a timer. Don't make it another thing on your to-do list.
Instead, just notice your breath throughout the day. When you're stuck in traffic, how are you breathing? When you're stressed at work, how are you breathing? When you're happy and relaxed, how are you breathing?
Once you start noticing the patterns, you can start shifting them. Not all the time. Not perfectly. Just sometimes. And that's enough.
Your Breath is Your Superpower
Living in Ontario, juggling work and parenting and trying to build something meaningful—it's a lot. There are days when I feel like I'm barely keeping it together.
But my breath? It's always there. In the parking lot at Walmart when my kid is having a meltdown. At my desk when I'm overwhelmed with emails. In bed when I can't shut my brain off. In the car on the QEW when traffic is backed up for miles.
Your breath is your anchor. Your reset button. Your superpower. And the best part? You already know how to use it. You just have to remember.
Want to explore breathwork techniques tailored to your life? I work with clients in Niagara (and virtually) to develop practical, sustainable breathwork practices that actually fit into real life. Let's talk.